In real life Helen Krieger is a young Bywater/Marigny real estate agent, and Joseph Meissner owns and runs Powerful Fitness on St. Claude Ave. They are also both aspiring filmmakers, and instead of wasting time waiting to be discovered, they are plowing forth and making their first feature film. Next Tuesday will see a free staged reading, featuring Harry Shearer, among other great national and local talents. Here’s the movie’s official description, and the official invite to next Tuesday’s staged reading, from Helen:

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“I want to invite you to a very special staged reading of our upcoming feature film, Flood Streets next week, Tuesday, 2/17 at 7pm. Flood Streets is a feature we will be filming in New Orleans in 2009, and this reading is our first big event!

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We’re going to have music, refreshments and special guests including Harry Shearer (Spinal Tap, The Simpsons), Becky Stark (Lavender Diamond, Rolling Stone’s #3 Artist to Watch), Chris Rose (1 Dead in Attic: After Katrina), poet Lee Grue, and more!

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The Story: An aspiring songwriter tries to eke out a living selling flooded real estate. A dying woman creates a mini-utopia in a storm-ravaged neighborhood. A single mom’s schemes to find love put her daughter in danger, and a failed writer can’t stop fantasizing about his dentist. Together these creative misfits will do their best to bring life back to New Orleans one year after Hurricane Katrina.

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Tuesday, February 17, 7-10pm
The Marigny Theatre, 1030 Marigny Street

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The reading is free! But please RSVP to joseph@thehatcherymedia.com to guarantee seating. More information is at:http://www.thehatcherymedia.com/news.html

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Cell: 504-975-7667
Fax: 504-613-4599

Joseph Meissner, Partner
The Hatchery Media
4210 St. Claude Ave NOLA 70117
www.thehatcherymedia.com
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2015950/

I was going to write a review of Kanye West’s 808’s and Heartbreak. But I don’t want to listen to it. Simply because of that damn Auto-Tune. No more Auto-Tune. No more.

I totally appreciate that Kanye wanted to do something different by making a cold and lonely electro album. I admire him for that. I pretty much grew sick of mainstream hip-hop because no one tries to be different anymore. The blatant monkey-see-monkey-do attitude of ClearChannel radio makes me sad, sometimes disgusted. So I admire Kanye’s concept on 808. Then he goes and uses the Auto-Tune on every single song? Of his “different” album? When every song on rap radio today also uses Auto-Tune?

For those who don’t know, the Auto-Tune is…it’s that damned effect you hear on the vocals of every single rap song on ClearChannel radio! You don’t need me to explain. Every single song, man.

OK, I’ll explain. You’re not supposed to hear the effect. It’s a piece of studio gear meant to smooth the rough edges off of Britney Spear’s vocals, and trick you into thinking she’s better than she is. But Lil Wayne and T. Pain and the rest turn the Auto-Tune all the way up so it highlights every mistake in their voice by correcting it. Weee, I sound like a robot alien! Yeah, well, by now, so does he. And him too. And him. And her. In 2008, the Auto-Tune is the last thing you’d turn to, hoping to achieve individuality.

Why couldn’t simply putting effects on your voice become a hip-hop trend? I would love to hear echoing raps, phased out vocals, distorted vocals – any of the millions and millions of effects one could use. That trend would really liven up hip-hop’s sonic pallet. But they all use the Auto-Tune? Even Kanye.

I ask you Kanye, WHY? Why, when trying to make an “outside the box” musical statement, use the newest and already most played-out gimmick in mainstream rap? Why go and pee on the only interesting mainstream record made this year, drench it in an effect that even the bandwagon had used up last year!? It’s the same as if, in the early 90’s, Motley Crue had tried to make a drum-n-bass album.

So, I heard the singles from 808s and Heartbreak and those were enough for me. The lyrics were terrible too (rhyming dictionary style: cry, fly, by, try, sky, blech). Again, I haven’t heard the album, but in doing something different (different relative to his own particular world, I suppose; I’d heard plenty of electro before this year) Kanye seems to have taken a big step backwards, creativity-wise.

Will you burn me a copy so I can make sure? Maybe I can put it in my computer and strip the Auto-Tune off the vocals…

My shorter review of this album appears in this week’s Gambit. But trying to say all there is to say about Chinese Democarcy in 300 words is fairly impossible. So here’s the rest. 

Chinese Democracy: The Good, the Bad, and the Dated

By Michael Patrick Welch

Whew, the new Guns-n-Roses album is officially not bad! Axl could have so easily tarnished the name. But even Slash is now left mumbling vague compliments about Chinese Democracy, which is ambitious, interesting and unique, if not always good.

As feared, this now mythical album is one-third nu metal. Meaning: unabashedly inorganic, monochromatic, Korn-influenced guitar riffs. Luckily, thousands of truly twisted guitar solos decorate said riffs, attacking from all angles, as Chinese Democracy’s songs twist, break down, and morph. A woman sings over what could be a Garbage outtake that suddenly becomes a heavy blues ballad. Symphonic trip-hop with funky nylon string guitar leads Axl’s layered voices into a capella metal do-wop. Pro-Tools makes sure that even the album’s bad parts boast at least something interesting.

But Pro-Tools also drowns the gentle guitar of “Sorry” in gross digital gravy, and helps “FBI” sound like Sarah McLachlan. In the time this album took to make, the studio trick where a song (in this case “Prostitute”) dramatically shrinks for a moment, into a tin can, before suddenly expanding back to its regular size, became tired. The new G-n-R sometimes reeks of the 90’s, when reactionary producers started thinking even heavy metal needed little dance beats in it.

Axl’s voice heroically saves much of his material. Some of the terrible ballads (where he feigns trying not to cry during lyrics like, “I don’t know why / she didn’t say goodbye / I saw it in her eyes,”) should compel Rose’s piano to seek a restraining order. But for the most part, his dynamic, layered, downright killer singing/shrieking is not only metal real and true, but proves Axl’s a singer’s singer. Especially with Pro-Tools on his side. Too bad the music he’s singing over isn’t nearly as melodic as what he can do with his voice.

As far as this sounding like Guns-N-Roses? No way. But that’s probably the biggest reason the album doesn’t suck; thank god Axl got as far away as possible from the old G-n-R sound. Axl blatantly choose aural perfection over inspired performance so that even Lose Your Illusion sounds more “live” than Chinese Democracy. The songs on Appetite for Destruction were mostly recorded live and then tweaked, whereas these new songs are all tweakage. Many of the guitar solos come in the same interesting spots where Slash would have put them, weaving perfectly between Axl’s phrases. Still, Chinese Democracy definitely should have been Axl Rose’s solo album.

Essentially, this ambitious, interesting album is far better than the sad, crappy one many expected. But were it not Guns-n-Roses, many of us wouldn’t give it two listens. Axl mostly just one-upped Korn, augmenting heavy guitars with computer trickery that sometimes makes Chinese Democracy feel as dated as Axl’s neat red goatee. Not saying it looks bad on him per se…

- In our cover story, David Winkler-Schmit examines citizen groups who are keeping others abreast of crime in their neighborhoods by using email, Google Maps, and other high-tech neighborhood watch tools…

- Clancy DuBos composes another valentine to Ray Nagin’s unique brand of leadership in the wake of this week’s City Council/Sanitation Department blowout….

- Jeremy Alford watches Gov. Bobby Jindal eye the 2012 presidential race…and wonders why former Gov. Kathleen Blanco is suddenly sending out press releases praising Barack Obama’s selection of Rahm Emanuel as his chief of staff….

- Bryan Davis previews the annual Words & Music literary festival, and Alison Fensterstock scopes out next weekend’s concert by the Cool Kids…

- and our monthly home and fashion magazine, CUE, is out with a December edition featuring holiday clothes and gifts, Champagne accessories and some cool handmade local items, curated by Kara Nelson.

What about that cold front last night? It’s a beautiful day. Get off the computer. I am.

(Following is a dispatch from Paul Greeley, who spent several years in New Orleans in the 1980s and ’90s as a promotions director at WDSU-TV. Paul has remained in touch with his New Orleans friends over the years, and he filed this report after his first visit to Galveston post-Ike.)

Saturday, Sept. 20

Last night, just as my wife and I are headed to dinner, my phone rings. It’s Paula Pendarvis, a former news executive that I worked with at WDSU in New Orleans, calling me from Galveston Island, Texas, where Hurricane Ike has roared ashore just a week ago. Pendarvis now owns a media consulting company and she’s on the island working for a disaster management company, DRC Emergency Services of Mobile, Alabama as their press liaison. Can I come down to Galveston right away?

I catch the first flight out this morning from Dallas to Houston’s Hobby Airport, where a helicopter picks me up to whisk me down to the island. Driving to the island isn’t an option as no one gets on the island without a special vendor pass, and there’s major gridlock just before the bridge to the island where police have a road-block to check passes.

Read the rest of this entry »

An update to my September 3 post: the tree that landed on my car during Hurricane Gustav was a pecan, carya illinoensis, probably a good 80 feet tall and over 100 years old. Tree and debris were cleared from the car today, after some wrangling with insurance companies and arrangements with extremely helpful and responsive Pointe Coupee Parish officials. I’ll head up there tomorrow to view the damage, take some photos, salvage what I can and wait for the insurance inspector to determine if my vehicle is a gone pecan. For those outside the reach of the local dialect, that’s pronounced “gawn puh-CAWN ,” ya heard me?

If there’s one thing these evacuations have taught me it’s that most people… OK, I can’t speak for everyone… it’s that I (and probably many others) despise being in a state of limbo. Hurricane season puts us in that state repeatedly and in so many ways that I’d suggest we call it Limbo Season if that didn’t also happen to be the name of that charming tropical balancing game that inebriated tourists enjoy so much on Caribbean vacations. How is it that being bent over backwards precariously perched halfway between standing and falling while trying to negotiate an ever more narrow window of opportunity provides raucous entertainment in the context of palm trees, pina coladas, ukuleles and grass skirts while the analogous situation in the context of a hurricane threat causes nothing but torturous anxiety?

Hurricane limbo sucks. Read the rest of this entry »

There are plenty of silver-lining, glass-half-full types who point out positive things that resulted from the failure of government-built flood protection in New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina in 2005. For me, one of those positives is that in 2006 when the Saints returned home to the Superdome they became the NFL team with the best song, U2 & Green Day’s stellar remake of The Skids’ The Saints are Coming. Granted, we already had the best song with When the Saints Go Marching In, but Bono and Billy Joe Armstrong have the edge (pun intended) when it comes to a 21st century rallying cry. Read the rest of this entry »

Since my online connection may be a short-lived miracle, I’m not going to get too detailed, but I think maybe the Cone of Insanity took its revenge on me Monday. Our safe haven, a fishing camp on False River in Jarreau, LA, across from New Roads, became a terrifying reminder of why we try to get away from these storms and how futile our efforts often turn out to be. My own Cone of Decimation became a bull’s eye as Gustav tore into Point Coupee parish at hurricane force for almost 5 hours. The storm ripped the roof off our camp at about 2:30pm and while we tried to salvage our precious belongings that had been carefully selected, packed and brought with us to protect them from what could happen at home, Gustav threw a massive water oak (or maybe a sycamore or pecan, I’m no tree expert), a telephone pole and some roof debris on our cars. When the ceiling started to bulge downwards towards us, we knew it was time to get out. This was when we discovered the cars were inaccessible, buried under 15 feet of debris and tangled power lines, hissing and flashing like giant sparklers on the 4th of July. If it wasn’t for the courage, resourcefulness and generosity of the Olinde family across the road, I think my parents and I would be listed as casualties of the storm. I can’t express the gratitude and debt I owe Miss Helen, who they call Miss Honey, her amazing grandson Andrew and the rest of her kind, selfless family. They are my heroes and I thank them for the incredible gift they’ve given me and my family.

Well, we were wondering why our evacuation drive up to New Roads, north/northwest of Baton Rouge on False River, went so smoothly. Turns out we just placed ourselves a good distance from the main event, but still directly in Gustav Mauler’s projected path. Oops. At least he’s moving quickly and will be a weakened player by the time he enters Tiger country. Godspeed y’all. With some good fortune, I’ll see you in the Dome on Sunday.