Gambit gets a lot of press releases. Especially with the Saints season opener coming up, we get a lot of NFL related product pitches. For example, is this the snack chip that will make your game watching truly special? But check out this winner. (FYI, it is a media invite, not open to the public.) Apparently women love to clean and cook for their families. What could be more satisfying to a mom than having the men in her family watch NFL games in a “fresh’ environment. Wow, I heart traditional values.

The graphic makes a nod at suggesting that all this cleaning and cooking would be of interest not just to moms but to the whole family. The pitchman, Brian Cash (of MS&L Worldwide), was less PC in his email text (bold emphasis added):

“Febreze and the NFL are partnering for a second year to help moms across the country be “Game Day Ready.” With the help of the “First Lady of Football,” Olivia Manning, Febreze is getting moms ready by providing great home freshening tips and trick as well as game day recipes that the family will love. If you’re interested, Febreze and Olivia are hosting an event on September 9th to kickoff the season and the Febreze Game Day Freshness Tour. Below is the invitation, please let me know if you’d be interested in attending. Hope to hear from you soon!

Thanks,
Brian”

I did not know that Olivia Manning is the “First Lady of Football.” Or that she endorses “freshness.” But she’ll be there to share tips and recipes. I am sure a lot of women (reporters) would love the opportunity to take some hard-to-clean items down to this event and see how Olivia would tackle the challenge. Of course, some women might just like watching the Saints, or football. That’s good clean fun, too.

My inbox is constantly filled with the desperate pleas of Nigerian princes and Chinese widows that miss my spam folder, where so many fake bank statements and male enhancement offers go to die. I routinely delete these messages, and the message I received from a Robert Philippe Webb de Orleans with the subject line “URGENT” nearly received the same fate. But a quick glance at this message told me this guy is not some spambot, firing phishy missives from somewhere in Africa: he appears to be a real life crazy person, and he wants to be the king of Louisiana.

Addressed to Mitch Landrieu, Bobby Jindal, James D. “Buddy” Caldwell, Mary Landrieu and David Vittler, the 2,172-word email begins with Webb claiming to be the descendant of royalty, a relative of Robert E. Lee and a member of the Lykes shipping family.

Meet Robert Philippe Webb — your next king.

He advocates seceding from the union, doesn’t like President Obama very much, talks about some conspiracy theories, is sore about the Louisiana Purchase, and would totally let Jindal and crew have jobs under his leadership. Here some of the highlights:

• “President Barrack Obama worries me deeply. He is part of a massive Nazi and Mafia based Eugenics Conspiracy underway in The Federal Government’s intelligence circles.”
• “I am writing to formally express my willingness in this turbulent time to lead The People of New Orleans, Louisiana and The Louisiana Purchase Territory as lawfully installed King of Louisiana. There is no clear leadership in these lands which rightfully belong to me and my Family.”
• ”I would be willing to offer each of you a Title and position in a new government which I propose to lawfully put in place with International United Nations Laws and the support of all The Citizens in my Homeland.”
• “There are many of these violations but in particular I cite The United States Federal Government’s creating The HIV and AIDS Virus in 1970 at Ft. Detrick, Maryland’s Biological Weapons Laboratory.”
• “It is our legal right to bear arms against a Tyrannical and unwanted oppressive Government. I do however advocate my peaceful installation.”

I checked out his website, and apparently he’s an architect? I guess with this oil disaster going on, we all want to do something. While some of us just want to donate hair that may or may not be used for oil booms, or scrub oil-slicked ducks with Dawn soap, or never go to a BP gas station ever, ever again, this guy wants to be king. Just his way of coping. And it’s in his blood.

The entirety of his weirdo email is after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Gambit’s Clancy DuBos thanking Mayor Nagin? And in a press release from the Mayor’s Office of Communications, no less?

In an unlikely year that’s seen pigs fly, hell freeze over and America join the commies, this shouldn’t come as a surprise, but the mayor’s spinners dug deep for this one:

“All of [sic] just said, ‘Yes, thank you, Mr. Mayor,’” said Clancy DuBos, editor of Gambit Weekly. “That was his defining moment right after Katrina because he expressed very bluntly the frustrations of everybody — black, white, Democratic, Republican — all New Orleanians who were fed up with the lack of federal response.”

It’s taken from a CNN profile on Nagin and is part of the network’s series “Revealed,” which the press release reminds us is, “a program that gets under the skin of the world’s brilliant thinkers, creative champions and inspirational leaders.”

Not that many would disagree with DuBos’s assessment of Nagin’s “Now get off your asses and do something” September 2005 radio interview calling for federal aid for our drowning city.

But that was 2005, and the DuBos quote seems a little stale for cherry picking. While the mayor’s press office isn’t Fox News, the press release needs a little balance. How about DuBos’s take on the end of Nagin’s term?

“What measure of relief he’s feeling pales in comparison to the relief that the citizens are feeling.”

That’s better. Now we can focus on the important stuff.

Do you remember back in the day, before virtually every profession was represented on a televised competition, before “real” housewives bombarded us with their delusions, before the dawn of skank buses? In the grand history of television, it was around the time when shows like “Survivor” and “Big Brother” first came into existence, when “reality” television still somewhat resembled real life. But even though shows (like the aforementioned two) with loosely scripted premises were popping up, all you really had to do to keep people entertained was show plastic surgeries on television. Those were the good ol’ days.

To give people what they wanted, E! created a series in 2004 that combined the rubberneck appeal of televised surgeries with America’s fascination with dumb, rich people: “Dr. 90210,” which featured many before-and-after photos and blurry breast augmentations, was born.

Have you wondered what the show’s star plastic surgeon, Dr. Robert Rey, is up to these days? No? Well, naturally he’s touring the country to tell us we don’t actually need surgery to look good. Tomorrow from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m., Dr. 90210 himself will make an appearance at Sears (4400 Veterans Memorial Blvd., Metairie) to divulge his secrets for enhancing your shape without surgery. Hint: it has something to do with his line of shape wear.

In case you don’t know what shape wear is, it basically does for fat what those Pillsbury tubes do for pre-made biscuit dough. And also, according to the press release, it’s the perfect accessory:

Whether interested in knowing how to hide that unwelcome “muffin top” for an upcoming romantic date or simply unsure of what to wear with your little black dress, Dr. Rey will be available to answer any and all styling questions… and he’s not keeping any secrets!

Let’s hope that date doesn’t get too romantic, or else that “muffin top” compressed under the tightest of tight spandex won’t be so hidden anymore, now will it?

We’ve received several emails in anticipation of this, and the day has finally arrived: free pancakes, ya’ll.

IHOP locations around the country are giving away free short stacks — three buttermilk pancakes — in honor of National Pancake Day (a day I’m pretty sure was arbitrarily created by IHOP. I suppose as the international pancake house, they have the authority to do such things). But don’t be a freeloader: IHOP is also asking for donations to the Children’s Miracle Network, and donations from the New Orleans stores will go to the CMN program at Children’s Hospital.

And it keeps getting better. For those who enjoy their free-ish pancakes at the new Downtown location (833 Canal St.), you also get to hang out with Miss New Orleans (who may or may not have a name), who will be there with “other beauty queens.” Because when I think of beauty queens, the first thing I think of is stacks of buttery carb discs.

Here’s the other nearby IHOP locations: 12150 I-10 Service Rd., 151 Westbank Expressway, Gretna; 1719 Manhattan Blvd., Harvey; 3400 South I-10 Service Road W., Metairie; 3400 Williams Blvd., Kenner; 61101 Airport Rd., Slidell.