OK, everybody? Just like we rehearsed, all together, on three… one, two, three! We’re a team of mavericks!

mav·er·ick (māv’ər-ĭk, māv’rĭk) n.
1. An unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it.
2. One that refuses to abide by the dictates of or resists adherence to a group; a dissenter.Dictionary.com. The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/maverick (accessed: October 03, 2008).

Pardon my skepticism, Gov. Palin, but please, “a team of mavericks”? Seems to me McCain was branded by the Bush administration a while back and hasn’t bucked much lately. More alarmingly, McCain’s current tactics look like a direct lift from Karl Rove, who used a vicious smear campaign against McCain and his family to derail McCain’s “Straight Talk Express” in the 2000 race for the Republican nomination. McCain’s been roped and tied to Bush administration policies ever since.

McCain is no Tom Cruise, but if this “maverick” malarkey keeps up I’ll have to start referring to Gov. Palin as Goose, and if you’ve seen Top Gun you know that’s not the callsign you want.

Side Note: If Palin can pronounce Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s name so well, why can’t she pronounce nuclear or learn the duties of the Vice President?

Rep. John LaBruzzo, R-Metairie, said Tuesday he is studying a plan to pay poor women $1,000 to have their Fallopian tubes tied.

He said his program would be voluntary. It could involve tubal ligation, encouraging other forms of birth control or, to avoid charges of gender discrimination, vasectomies for men.

Yeah, being accused of gender discrimination is really the biggest hurdle this proposal has to overcome. LaBruzzo may be kicking around fascist notions like eugenic sterilization, but you’ll be hard-pressed to call him a sexist.

It also could include tax incentives for college-educated, higher-income people to have more children, he said.

Wait, what happens if their kids turn out to be… dare I say it?… poor and stupid? Of course, how silly of me, someone still has to mow lawns and bus tables, right Mr. L?

“What I’m really studying is any and all possibilities that we can reduce the number of people that are going from generational welfare to generational welfare,” he said.

Gee, John, why not just shoot ‘em? Nothing wrong with a little state-sponsored eugenics among friends, after all. If my brain was more useful than a book of wet matches, I’d have more to say on this. So please, folks, take the ball and run with it.

First off, I don’t mean to make light of Ike’s inevitable lashing of the Texas Gulf Coast and the loss and suffering the people of that region may endure. However, I’m not so sure about the intentions of KHOU-TV in Houston. This is an actual screen capture from khou.com that I grabbed this evening at 7:37pm CDT. It has to be a put-on, right? I’ve heard and seen plenty of jokes riffing on the Ike & Tina theme since Ike, the hurricane, first showed up in the Atlantic. And, in case you haven’t read any of my previous posts, humor is my primary means of dealing with life’s overwhelmingly painful moments. Without knowing how a Tina Turner ad happened to wind up plastered on KHOU’s Hurricane Ike coverage, I don’t know whether to shake my head in amusement or disdain. Either this is an ironic coincidence of stupendous proportions or the epitome of exploiting a catastrophe as a heartless marketing opportunity.

UPDATE: Apparently this concert/contest was announced in August and the appearance of the ad is just the typical random occurrence of any online ad rotating through the pages of KHOU’s site. Accordingly I am now shaking my head in bemused disbelief. Be safe, Texas!

An update to my September 3 post: the tree that landed on my car during Hurricane Gustav was a pecan, carya illinoensis, probably a good 80 feet tall and over 100 years old. Tree and debris were cleared from the car today, after some wrangling with insurance companies and arrangements with extremely helpful and responsive Pointe Coupee Parish officials. I’ll head up there tomorrow to view the damage, take some photos, salvage what I can and wait for the insurance inspector to determine if my vehicle is a gone pecan. For those outside the reach of the local dialect, that’s pronounced “gawn puh-CAWN ,” ya heard me?

If there’s one thing these evacuations have taught me it’s that most people… OK, I can’t speak for everyone… it’s that I (and probably many others) despise being in a state of limbo. Hurricane season puts us in that state repeatedly and in so many ways that I’d suggest we call it Limbo Season if that didn’t also happen to be the name of that charming tropical balancing game that inebriated tourists enjoy so much on Caribbean vacations. How is it that being bent over backwards precariously perched halfway between standing and falling while trying to negotiate an ever more narrow window of opportunity provides raucous entertainment in the context of palm trees, pina coladas, ukuleles and grass skirts while the analogous situation in the context of a hurricane threat causes nothing but torturous anxiety?

Hurricane limbo sucks. Read the rest of this entry »

There are plenty of silver-lining, glass-half-full types who point out positive things that resulted from the failure of government-built flood protection in New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina in 2005. For me, one of those positives is that in 2006 when the Saints returned home to the Superdome they became the NFL team with the best song, U2 & Green Day’s stellar remake of The Skids’ The Saints are Coming. Granted, we already had the best song with When the Saints Go Marching In, but Bono and Billy Joe Armstrong have the edge (pun intended) when it comes to a 21st century rallying cry. Read the rest of this entry »

Since my online connection may be a short-lived miracle, I’m not going to get too detailed, but I think maybe the Cone of Insanity took its revenge on me Monday. Our safe haven, a fishing camp on False River in Jarreau, LA, across from New Roads, became a terrifying reminder of why we try to get away from these storms and how futile our efforts often turn out to be. My own Cone of Decimation became a bull’s eye as Gustav tore into Point Coupee parish at hurricane force for almost 5 hours. The storm ripped the roof off our camp at about 2:30pm and while we tried to salvage our precious belongings that had been carefully selected, packed and brought with us to protect them from what could happen at home, Gustav threw a massive water oak (or maybe a sycamore or pecan, I’m no tree expert), a telephone pole and some roof debris on our cars. When the ceiling started to bulge downwards towards us, we knew it was time to get out. This was when we discovered the cars were inaccessible, buried under 15 feet of debris and tangled power lines, hissing and flashing like giant sparklers on the 4th of July. If it wasn’t for the courage, resourcefulness and generosity of the Olinde family across the road, I think my parents and I would be listed as casualties of the storm. I can’t express the gratitude and debt I owe Miss Helen, who they call Miss Honey, her amazing grandson Andrew and the rest of her kind, selfless family. They are my heroes and I thank them for the incredible gift they’ve given me and my family.

Well, we were wondering why our evacuation drive up to New Roads, north/northwest of Baton Rouge on False River, went so smoothly. Turns out we just placed ourselves a good distance from the main event, but still directly in Gustav Mauler’s projected path. Oops. At least he’s moving quickly and will be a weakened player by the time he enters Tiger country. Godspeed y’all. With some good fortune, I’ll see you in the Dome on Sunday.

Feds send big guns to Louisiana for Gustav
by David Hammer, The Times-Picayune

In case “big guns” doesn’t immediately bring anyone in the federal government to mind, they’re talking about Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff and FEMA Administrator David Paulison. Ohhhhh, THOSE big guns! Heck, say no more, Washington, that is all I need to hear. We can sleep easy tonight, New Orleans…

The Cone of Confusion? The Cone of Contradiction? The Cone of Complete Cluelessness?” I couldn’t have said it better.

…and he didn’t. Many thanks to Chris Rose at the Times-Picayune for letting me write part of today’s column and share in that main stream media glow. Too bad a blogofneworleans attribution probably would have 86′ed the deal. You know how sensitive those MSM types can be.