Does the prospect of living in a house with up to 15 strangers, with no access to TV, Internet or the outside world, with video cameras and microphones recording your every move at all times like you’re a participant in some sociological experiment — except with little to no scientific value — sound good to you? If so, then this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

Casting producers of “Big Brother,” the CBS reality show with counterparts in more than 70 countries, just announced they will be looking for cast members for an upcoming season in New Orleans. The casting call will be Friday, April 2 from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the Hard Rock Cafe (418 N. Peters St.). You can fill out an application and view the eligibility requirements here.

To save you some time, here are some particularly scary aspects of the requirements:

The house is extensively outfitted with video and audio recording devices which will record, broadcast and exhibit your actions and voice at all times, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week in every room of the house for the duration of your participation in the contest. You will be observed at all times by the Producers as well as the general public watching on television, the Internet, mobile devices and any and all other media.

The Producers are looking for a dynamic group of individuals who are articulate, interesting and exhibit enthusiasm for the project as well as a willingness to share their most private thoughts in an open forum of strangers.

You must be in excellent physical and mental health.

Physical health, sure. There will inevitably be many shirtless shots of you exiting the pool or shower, or cowering naked in a corner as you begin to lose your mind. But mental health? I thought mental instability was part of the genetic makeup of the Reality TV Personality.

Well, if you think you got what it takes, perhaps we’ll see you on TV, the Internet, our mobile devices and mercilessly mocked by Joel McHale on “The Soup” in a few months.

There’s nothing like the first sight of that little orange envelope stuck in your windshield wipers. Everyone can expect to see more of those when the city implements its new parking meter policy. But when does it start? Who knows, really.

The city’s Web site says they will “begin issuing warning citations on Monday, March 18.” First, Monday, March 18 isn’t an actual date. Do they mean today, Monday, or the 18th, which is Thursday? And what exactly is a warning citation? Do we have to pay $20 if we get one? However, we should expect full enforcement of the policy on March 27, according to the site.

Here’s the new policy. Start figuring out your new parking spots now:

Hours
Current: Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.
New: Monday-Saturday, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Rates
Current (Regular Two-Hour Meters): $1.25/hour
New (Regular Two-Hour Meters): $1.50/hour
Current (Long-Term Meters: Up to 10 Hours): $0.75/hour
New (Long-Term Meters: Up to 10 Hours): $1/hour

Do you remember back in the day, before virtually every profession was represented on a televised competition, before “real” housewives bombarded us with their delusions, before the dawn of skank buses? In the grand history of television, it was around the time when shows like “Survivor” and “Big Brother” first came into existence, when “reality” television still somewhat resembled real life. But even though shows (like the aforementioned two) with loosely scripted premises were popping up, all you really had to do to keep people entertained was show plastic surgeries on television. Those were the good ol’ days.

To give people what they wanted, E! created a series in 2004 that combined the rubberneck appeal of televised surgeries with America’s fascination with dumb, rich people: “Dr. 90210,” which featured many before-and-after photos and blurry breast augmentations, was born.

Have you wondered what the show’s star plastic surgeon, Dr. Robert Rey, is up to these days? No? Well, naturally he’s touring the country to tell us we don’t actually need surgery to look good. Tomorrow from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m., Dr. 90210 himself will make an appearance at Sears (4400 Veterans Memorial Blvd., Metairie) to divulge his secrets for enhancing your shape without surgery. Hint: it has something to do with his line of shape wear.

In case you don’t know what shape wear is, it basically does for fat what those Pillsbury tubes do for pre-made biscuit dough. And also, according to the press release, it’s the perfect accessory:

Whether interested in knowing how to hide that unwelcome “muffin top” for an upcoming romantic date or simply unsure of what to wear with your little black dress, Dr. Rey will be available to answer any and all styling questions… and he’s not keeping any secrets!

Let’s hope that date doesn’t get too romantic, or else that “muffin top” compressed under the tightest of tight spandex won’t be so hidden anymore, now will it?

A recent move by Republic programming director Nick Thomas to ban attire inspired by MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is gaining traction among blogs. FAIL Blog declared the rule, posted outside the club, a “Sign Win,” and other blogs such as Racked and New York Magazine’s Vulture have blogged about it. The Huffington Post stole posted this interview with Thomas from NewOrleans.com.

While waiting behind a velvet rope in anticipation of 90s kitsch and special couches (V.I.P. sections), you may have noticed the sign: “If it’s on Jersey Shore, it’s not coming through the door.” For those unsure about what “Jersey Shore” attire encompasses, the sign singles out designers Affliction, Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier. The sign, however, fails to mention if boob slings are permitted.

There are two reactions to the club’s new dress code:

1. Guidos and guidettes (as the “Jersey Shore” cast members lovingly refer to themselves): who needs `em! I am an affluent white person, and therefore find the mere sight of tattoo jeans offensive (the majority of bloggers have embraced this reaction).

2. Seriously? Not that I am in any way advocating the kind of wardrobe the Republic seeks to ban, but how can Republic deny anyone the right to spend $9 on a Jack and Coke based on the dumb trends they follow? It’s essentially one silly, consumer-based subculture — Urban Outfitters-clad PYTs — seeking to exclude another. And while a wardrobe of True Religion jeans and a metallic, skin-tight graphic tee may be considered offensive for its crimes against fashion and society, it is certainly “appropriate” attire and nothing that any club has any real reason banning.

In the NewOrleans.com interview, writer Karen Dalton Beninato asks Thomas if, hypothetically, “Jersey Shore” cast member Snooki (of getting-punched-in-the-face fame) wanted to see the upcoming Spoon show, would the Almighty Fashion High Priests abide?:

Absolutely [not] … if Snooki is wearing anything that Snooki wears, the same Jersey Shore-esque clothing she is known for and [is] rocking a pouf. If Snooki has a life changing event and starts dressing like a normal human being, by all means — come and see Spoon.

First, what if Snooki sincerely wants to fist-pump her way through the crowds to hear Britt Daniel sing “I Summon You”? What now, Nick Thomas? And second, since when is Republic an authority on how “normal human beings” dress? Not all people would agree that wearing, say, a see-through lace body suit (slightly NSFW), outfits made entirely of lamé or ironic eyeglasses is how a “normal human being” dresses.

This was probably inevitable, since Republic has expressly stated its mission to hand-pick its ideal crowds since its inception. From the Lifestyle Revolution Group Web site:

Republic is a hub of creativity and entertainment for the progressive group of people living in and visiting New Orleans intent on revolutionizing the city’s professional and artistic landscapes, providing first-class social experiences and constantly evolving entertainment through music, fashion, philanthropy, film and the arts. Republic caters to a diverse, interesting and eclectic clientele, and its guests’ experiences are paramount to everything created there.

Diversity, however, is limited to the extent to which you are not a “guido.”

From James Gill’s February 21 column:

“I am sorry to disappoint all the readers who wished to apply for the position, but New Orleans does not employ a ‘sex assessor.’ That was a misprint in Wednesday’s column. It should have read ‘tax assessor.’ Slips don’t come much more Freudian than that.”

Thanks to the Columbia Journalism Review for the alerting its readers to that gem.

We all know to never look a gift horse in the mouth. But what if that gift horse is a grating, self-congratulating display of celebrity?

It’s great that celebrities are raising money for Haiti. It really is nice of them. Regardless, the new “We Are The World” is unlistenable, unwatchable and completely puzzling. Consider the lineup: the original “We Are The World,” written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie to benefit African famine relief, brought together a veritable slate of 80s icons. The new version’s lineup contains, just to name a few singers in the zillion-person ensemble, the aggressively irritating and omnipresent Will.i.am, New Orleans’ prodigal son (and dentists’ worst nightmare) Lil Wayne and perennial Twitter trending topic Justin Bieber. And there’s also that guy who bounces around at awards shows (Jamie Foxx), some American Idol contestants you may vaguely remember, a Jonas brother or two, and the insane cackling of Wyclef John. If you haven’t seen it yet, and want to risk the PTSD that can occur as a result, watch it here.

But, just as many suspected we were approaching the precipice of a terrible music-induced apocalypse (actually, we might still be), something like this comes along. Here are some great, though not as ubiquitous as the Black Eyed Peas, musicians getting together to record a charity single in an unpretentious manner. The Pogues’ Shane MacGowan, The Pretender’s Chrissie Hynde, Nick Cave and — hey! — Johnny Depp are some of the artists in this soulful cover of Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’s “I Put a Spell On You.” It’s eminently enjoyable, and we can hope it’ll help rebuild Haiti — and also, the concept of “music” that “We Are The World 25 for Haiti” tore asunder.

Via New York Magazine, Stereogum.

We’ve received several emails in anticipation of this, and the day has finally arrived: free pancakes, ya’ll.

IHOP locations around the country are giving away free short stacks — three buttermilk pancakes — in honor of National Pancake Day (a day I’m pretty sure was arbitrarily created by IHOP. I suppose as the international pancake house, they have the authority to do such things). But don’t be a freeloader: IHOP is also asking for donations to the Children’s Miracle Network, and donations from the New Orleans stores will go to the CMN program at Children’s Hospital.

And it keeps getting better. For those who enjoy their free-ish pancakes at the new Downtown location (833 Canal St.), you also get to hang out with Miss New Orleans (who may or may not have a name), who will be there with “other beauty queens.” Because when I think of beauty queens, the first thing I think of is stacks of buttery carb discs.

Here’s the other nearby IHOP locations: 12150 I-10 Service Rd., 151 Westbank Expressway, Gretna; 1719 Manhattan Blvd., Harvey; 3400 South I-10 Service Road W., Metairie; 3400 Williams Blvd., Kenner; 61101 Airport Rd., Slidell.

Here’s a reason to go to Metairie: Saints wide receiver Robert Meachem will appear at the Lakeside Mall Macy’s (3301 Veterans Memorial Blvd.) on Monday, Feb. 15 at 11 a.m. The first 300 people to purchase $40 or more in licensed championship apparel at the department store will have the opportunity to meet Meachem and receive autographed commemorative medallion beads. If last night was any indication of the crowd Saints players can draw, you might want to get there early.

If the myriad forums and our rather extensive coverage for this year’s local elections still leave you yearning for more information about the candidates, you can get all of the facts about the mayoral and city council races on your iPhone. PolicyPitch.com creator and Gambit 40 Under 40 alum Zach Kupperman (along with Neel Sus) launched Election Hub, a free iPhone application that provides candidate biographies, news, platforms and financial information, at the beginning of the year.

The below video shows how it works. Among the excuses for not voting this year — inability to vote due to age or other factors, coma or paralysis due to extreme Super Bowl anticipation — being uninformed is certainly not one of them.

Super Bowl commercials are all about celebrating the things that we, as a nation, unanimously like: beer, dancing animals, cars and half-naked women. Not wanting to get anyone riled up during this completely non-polarizing, non-aggressive television event, CBS has typically avoided airing commercials with heavy-handed political themes. By that standard, this 2004 ad from the United Church of Christ was deemed inappropriate:

Fair enough? Fast forward to this year, when CBS has green-lit Focus on the Family’s anti-abortion commercial featuring Tim Tebow. So, a commercial about inclusive worship environments is nixed because it contains ”implicit’ endorsement for a side in a public debate,” (per CBS policy) but the FOTF spot is OK?

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