There’s no easy way to back into this story … and we don’t think you’re going to be finding out about it while tooling around other local media … so we’ll quit putzing around and bring the interesting news that New Orleans men have the biggest penises in America … according to a highly scientific study by the online condom purveyor Condomania:

Condomania tracked 27,000 men in 70 countries and declared New Orleans the BIG winner. Washington, DC came in second, with San Diego, New York City and Phoenix rounding out the top five. As far as the state-wide results, New Hampshire was the dark horse winner with Oregon, New York, Indiana and Arizona following.

Some more big penis facts? Blue states are more likely to have men with guns then red states—coincidence? Also, according to Director of Technology Chris Filkins, 25% of all men need condoms less than five inches (ouch), half are somewhere between five and six inches and the remaining quarter keep the Magnum brand in business with six inches or larger.

Still in doubt? Ask Condomania itself:

Q: Which states & cities have the biggest and smallest penises? And why in the world does Condomania know this???

A: That’s a good question. New Orleans now has another reason to call itself “The Big Easy.” The home of this year’s Super Bowl champs has taken the top spot in Condomania’s ranking of U.S. cities by penis size! Bring on Mardi Gras and let the good times roll!

What say you, Gambiteers? Is this true in your experience?