I saw this last night during the 10 pm news and was thoroughly confused (of course, it could’ve just been the video hangover from an hour of Steven Seagal: Lawman, and crank up the Emmys for that, by the way). Anyway, behold the new commercial from the John Georges for Mayor campaign:

This resists all attempts at analysis, but maybe we can figure it out together.

INTENDED MESSAGES:

1) John Georges is too busy and too much of a hard-ass to pet an adorable Golden Retriever even when it’s sitting right next to him.

2) Rather than pet a dog who’s got its head on his freakin’ knee, John Georges would prefer to check the messages on his iPhone.

3) John Georges does not curse in his ads, unlike his opponent James *@%$ing Perry.

DELIVERED MESSAGES:

1) John Georges is too busy and too much of a hard-ass to pet an adorable Golden Retriever even when it’s sitting right next to him.

2) Rather than pet a dog who’s got its head on his freakin’ knee, John Georges would prefer to check the messages on his iPhone.

3) Somebody’s been watching too many Raising Cane’s and Bush’s Baked Beans commercials.

Honestly, on first viewing, I thought the dog was talking inside John Georges’ head, which set up a bunch of unpleasant Son of Sam associations that weren’t exactly mayoral.

Readers: what does this commercial mean?