• MAJOR LUXURY HOTEL LOSES ITS MIND: The Ritz-Carlton New Orleans has asked Gambit staff writer Noah Bonaparte Pais to guest-bartend at the On Trois lounge this afternoon, beginning at 5:30. Two things they don’t know: Noah is actually an accomplished bartender, and we’ve declared the Ritz dress code for the afternoon to be TOPLESS …

• LEGAL BRIEF: Domestic violence charge against putative Senate candidate Stormy Daniels dropped. Thank God that’s the only cloud hanging over her candidacy.

• HELICHURCHCOPTERGATE: Gawker calls Gov. Bobby Jindal a “high-flying failure” due to his penchant for taking state helicopters to church. A group called the InterFaith Alliance is calling on him to reimburse the state. Jindal spokesperson Melissa Sellers parries back in fine style:

This political group opposes putting crosses up in honor of fallen policemen, has attacked the National Day of Prayer and advocates for same-sex marriage, so it’s not surprising that they are attacking the governor for accepting invitations to speak at Louisiana churches.

• AND, FINALLY: The pride of Kentwood, Britney Spears, launches a new fragrance called, rather confusingly, CIRCUS Fantasy BRITNEY SPEARS (TM). What does CIRCUS Fantasy BRITNEY SPEARS (TM) smell like?

Capturing the excitement that surrounds “The Circus Starring Britney Spears,” a world of magic and intrigue comes to life with this new scent. Vibrant and whimsical, CIRCUS fantasy BRITNEY SPEARS(TM) takes you on an exhilarating adventure where nothing is what it seems.

If you want to smell like Britney Spears, or a circus for that matter, it’ll be available later this month at Dillard’s.

See you at the Ritz at 5:30. Don’t forget to make up drink names and make Noah pretend like he’s heard of them before.